Live In HongKong

Hong Kong Museum of Coastal Defense

Last week we failed to make it to the Pole Dancing Championships. Instead, we made it to an actual cultural venue, the Hong Kong Museum of Coastal Defense.  This is a disturbing trend that will hopefully be reversed shortly.  Nevertheless, the HKMCD is actually a not half bad museum.  Located on a hill top in Shau Kai Wan, it is sort of like the Getty in Los Angeles, in that the exhibits are just okay, but the museum itself is kinda bad ass.  And by bad ass, I mean it was built when someone had some money to burn. The exhibits chronicle the history of Hong Kong's defense of itself from various domestic and foreign threats.  Which, as far as I can tell, has never been that succesful.  It might be more appropriately called the Hong Kong Museum of "Welcome Forgeign Overlords!"  Everyone has invaded this place, including other Chinese, Mongols, Japanese, English, Shriners and the Portugese.  The government has managed to keep a lid on the 1973 invasion by a band of marauding Mary Kay cosmestics saleswomen from Akron, desperate to break into the Chinese market.  They landed in Aberdeen and held the Western ports for two days before some local Aussie rugby players, drunk and lost on their way to LKF, came to the aid of the military and repelled the vicious, but pleasantly fragrant attackers. 

Gateway. The Costco of Hong Kong.

I have found a few American staples lacking in Hong Kong.  One glaring omission being the COMPLETE lack of Reese's products.  Twix?  Got it.  Who cares?  Cadbury?  Sure.  But I am not interested in your raisin filled chocolate bars.  Luckily I found Gateway.  It's sort of hard to spot even though the entrance is right on Des Voeux Road on the border of Central and Sheung Wan.  And it's in the basement of a building.  But now that I found it, oh yes, many visits shall ensue. Huge boxes of Chunky Clam Chowder.  Check.  Reese's mini PB Cups.  CHECK!  And one lone giant bottle of Jack Daniels.  I am not sure how I left the store without that.  And they have refried friggin beans!  Get thee to Gateway stat!

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Hong Kong International Pole Dance Competition (Pt.2)

I am just going to go ahead and fess up right now.  I missed the HKIPDC.  My partner in crime ended up working late and we arrived to a line of people milling about outside M1nt and a dude with a clipboard list.  We were not on said list.  Wow, it's just like being back in LA!  Those of you that know me, know that I do not do lines (well, you know what I mean) so we headed off to a couple local bars to drown our sorrows.  But, I firmly believe that these two videos will more than make up for it.  Amazingly, they are pretty SFW.  I guess.


"wow" is the word you are looking for.

Graze Cafe. You lose again Starbucks.

Hey Starbucks guys.  I assume you have a list of coffee shops that people like better than Starbucks.  Probably getting kinda long huh?  And that's just in Hong Kong!  Now you can add Graze in Sheung Wan.  Why?  Well, there is the usual perk right off the bat.  Free wifi.  I know, you let us sign up for wifi at the totally reasonable price of $9.95 for a day pass.  That's LESS than $300 a month!  That's U.S. dollars.  Thanks, but I'll go spend my money at places that are run by people that are neither a:) greedy corporate douches, nor b) stupid. Also, their food doesn't suck.  Though I occasionally yearn for a stale scone, I am more likely to go for Graze's bacon/apple/cheddar muffin.  Sound weird?  Shut your pie hole, trust me and go get one.  Also, and this really is the killer...alcoholic smoothies.  The geniuses at Graze have a variety of drinks, including wine and mojitos.  But how can you not patronize a places that serves a Berry Buzzed?

Winner, by knock out!

Graze
ground floor chao's building,
143-145 bonham strand, sheung wan, hong kong
香港上環文咸東街143-145號趙氏大廈地下

telephone and fax
t. +852 2850 7766 | f. +852 2850 7997

email
info@graze.hk

opening hours

monday to friday: 7:30am to 9pm

saturday, sunday & public holidays: 9am to 5pm

Jackie Chan high kicks foot into own mouth.

Hong Kong actor Jackie Chan, best known in the U.S. for kicking people in the face while Chris Tucker screams into a camera, has come under fire for making some statements that were, um, not too popular with a lot of his fellow Chinese.  To wit:

"Chan...told an annual meeting of governments and business leaders on Saturday that China should be wary of allowing too many freedoms.

"I don't know whether it is better to have freedom or to have no freedom," numerous mainland news websites quoted Chan as saying at the Boao Forum for Asia.

"With too much freedom ... it can get very chaotic, could end up like in Hong Kong or like in Taiwan... I'm gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled." BEIJING (AFP)

Whoops!  Yet another reason Chan will always be Eddie Vedder to Bruce Lee's Kurt Cobain.  Probably a good time for him to skitter off to LA to make Rush Hour 8, or whatever they're on now.

Hong Kong International Pole Dance Competition

In an effort to continue to bring you the latest in breaking news and cultural goings on in Hong Kong, I have taken it upon myself to devote two posts to Chinese dancing this week.  I have, however, expanded "dancing" to include the pole variety.  This Wednesday evening, the Hong Kong International Pole Dance Competition takes place  at M1nt in Central.  Yeah, that's a 1 where the i should be.  No idea.

I have been doing extensive "research" this morning by exlporing the website of the group sponsoring the event.  I give you Pole Divas Hong Kong .  It's SFW, but I'd still recommend having a spread sheet ready to pop up when your boss walks by. Because I know you need to know about these things, and because I am willing to sacrifice my time for your benefit, I will be clearing my tight schedule, attending the finals on Wednesday and reporting back.  Blogging. Hard work.

 

Mom?

ESPN. I miss you.

You know how you've been tired of ESPN, pretty much ever since Olberman, Patrick and Kilborn left?  And Kenny Mayne got demoted to whatever the hell it is he is doing these days?  Well, I miss the World Wide Leader.  Why?  Because I have come to realize that they are in fact the WWL.  I got the sports combo pack on the local cable service and, to put it delicately, it sucks!  Euro Sport News, which is akin to ESPN News, must have the budget of a cub scout troop.  They run the same stories and highlights pretty much every HALF hour.  And it's not a solid half hour of any one sport.  It's 2 Premier League scores, some crap about F1 and a yacht race update.  Listen, soccer sucks, but give me a solid hour of soccer highlights from the previous night and I'd at least know more about why the hell I should care about some team from Southern Spain.  I have been forced to watch an entire curling match.  And men's field hockey.  MEN'S field hockey.  This is not going to cut it...

Maybe STEVEN A. SMITH will be working these games soon.

Hong Kong Scandal: Corn

If there were ever going to be a scandal involving corn, you'd probably bet it would be related to Korn instead of actual corn.  You would be very much wrong.  The world of Hong Kong fast food vegetables has been rocked by news from McDonald's.  Apparently, a high ranking Mickey D's official has been taking bribes from the corn producers in  Thailand:

 " April 16 (Bloomberg) — McDonald’s Corp. fired Joseph Lau, its Hong
Kong managing director, after a court in the city found him guilty of
bribery in connection with food purchases.
   Lau, 49, was convicted in the District Court of taking about
HK$2.5 million ($323,000) from a corn supplier in return for
preferential treatment, the Independent Commission Against Corruption
said in a statement yesterday. He also instructed the supplier,
Pornthep Srisa-An, to lie to anti-corruption officials, the government
agency said.
   ‘‘We do not tolerate wrongdoing,’’ Liam Jeory, spokesman of the
Oak Brook, Illinois-based fast-food restaurant chain, said by phone
today. Lau was suspended more than 18 months ago with Shirley Chang
appointed as his replacement.
   The anti-graft agency, set up in 1974, prosecuted 333 people with
315 convictions in 2008. Hong Kong was the fourth-least corrupt place
in Asia-Pacific in 2008 public perception rankings by Transparency
International. China was ranked 12th.
   According to the ICAC, Srisa-An, a director of a Thai food
company, agreed in mid-2005 to pay Lau 10 percent of the value of corn
sales to the restaurant chain in Hong Kong in exchange for the supply
contract.
   McDonald’s bought more than HK$25 million of corn from Srisa-An’s
company between June 2005 and March 2007, the anti- corruption agency
said. The supplier deposited about HK$2.5 million into the bank
accounts of Lau and his wife, it said.
   Lau and Srisa-An were arrested by ICAC officers on June 29, 2007,
the anti-graft agency said. Lau was found guilty of one count of
accepting illegal rebates and one of perverting public justice in the
district court case DCCC 114/2008.
   Sentencing was adjourned to May 6, the anti-corruption agency said.
   Lau’s lawyer Benedict Chiu of Chiu, Szeto & Cheng, in a phone
interview today, declined to comment on the case and wouldn’t say if
Lau is going to appeal."

This goes a loooong way toward explaining a phenomenon I had been meaning to post about. McDonald's selling bowls of corn.  Not like KFC's artery clogging chicken, potato, gravy & corn bowls.  Just...corn.

Coming soon: Brussel Sprout Shake!

The Weekly Spam-Like Meat Review: Spam...with bacon

Christmas come early kids.  I don't know if I have just never seen it before, if it's not sold in LA or if my tastes have just evolved (hah, I am funny), but I have never seen Spam with Bacon.  I have often thought "What could you add to a processed pork-like product with a enough sodium to dry up Lake Erie?"  We both know the answer to that question.

So, today I ventured to the Park N Shop and picked up this beautiful can.

I stayed true to my testing criteria and had it on white bread with Miracle Whip and honestly I was initially disappointed.  Basically, it tastes just like Spam.  But then...a revelation.  You know how you have a glass of wine that doesn't seem so great and then you catch an aroma in it that makes you say "Okay, this IS better than Charles Shaw's finest"?  Well, that's what happened here.  Except with bacon instead of tanin.  The taste lingered in the back of my palate, its smoky flavor providing just the slightest hint of cured porky goodness.  To be fair, I really just wanted it to taste like Spam wrapped in bacon, but I am nothing if not a proponent of subtlety.

Good people of the Hormel Corporation, I salute you.

"Spam with bacon.  When your arteries are flowing just a bit too freely."

Mmmm, crocodile.

Wandering around the hood I came upon something other than dried fish guts.  Not reading Cantonese yet, I have dubbed it The Croc Shop.  Not to be confused with gay ass shoes.  Sometimes, given the food choices I am often presented with, this seems like a perfectly good option.  Crocodile is high in protein and other nutrients.  Not getting enough frog butt in diet?  You're covered.  Been craving some peasant toes?  More than 50% of the daily recommended allowance is found in just one medium sized croc  And the taste?  That's swampy goodness right there my friend.